Album Reviews

(For your eyes, not your earholes.)


Fall Out Boy - "Horse Doughnut, Come It Strong Blouzalinda!"
Intense Self Loathing Records.

This unexpected release from the depths of America's beer parties may seem like an off-putting bagel in a bread-bin of shame, but in fact sees the Milwaukee (or whatever) cotton-tops usher in an unnervingly expensive experimental phase.
Produced variously by Brian Eno, Brian Jones, Brian Blessed, Brian Molko, Bryan Adams, Ryan Adams, and Brian Wilson, FOB have channeled the raw brig of early Free Jazz, the eelerspree of Ambient Gabba, and grappled furiously with the vast writhing serpent of the thumb piano, to create a complete lion of sound.
Most extensively so on album opener I Went To Muskra To (Buy A Double Decker) which sees the group seeming up with soft-rock legends Double Clutcher to produce a tune that manages to completely avoid any pleasant or harmonic sounds whatsoever, and features mostly the sound of 71,000 balalaikas being played by their fans via web-cast, accompanied by an ear-drum destroying glitch-core beat and a frequency designed to cause your stereo to destroy the CD, as it's playing.
The rest of the album can be found on the accompanying DVD, and what an album it is. The effervescent sounds on Cop Killer Linguist Graveyard show former dildo Pete Wentz to be as adept at the oboe as Hendrix. Also, Guy-Who-Sounds-Like The-Maroon-5-Guy takes center stage with an epic yet cruel rendition of Maccaroni, Lusty Lawrence. Dots Chew Water! on the accordion, while literally honking up lines like "You once were a lime, but now you quilt my salty bananas."
All of which is blasted over abstract footage filmed by the band of dying geese, police squadrons, mule shit, coal smugglers and post offices.
As the album winds down with Smoker's Lung Out Of The Blue Mug, I am left feeling strangely elated, yet somewhat skeggy. Buy it, then throw it away after about 4 or 5 months.

3/5
Skeetr Newcock
skeetr.newcock@fexxx.com


''What A Crock Of Shit - A Tribute To The Kaiser Chiefs''
Rough Trade.

Leeds natives Kaiser Chiefs have been annoying the public with a special brand of jizz-pop designed to be shouted by pissed-up scaffolders down the pub after they've had 'a few'. What a crock of shit, you might think. That's what Rough Trade Records thought, when they decided to commission this tribute compilation diskette.Kicking off proceedings is The Kaisertines ramshackle minor-chord romp through Everyday I Smack Up Less and Less. After some uninteresting filler that sounds like Joy Division, we hit upon the gem that is The Kaiser Gs' Yo My God. Like a BNP member, this song waits till the police have gone, and leaps from your speakers and wrestles you to the ground, beating you relentlessly solely for your beliefs. Ace.The real cream of the cream is the heart-string tuggery of the Kaiser Chef's rendition of I Predict An Omelette. Don't judge a book by it's oven, this shit will have you weeping into your cyanide. All in all, a load of shit. Wicked.
5/5
Jimmy Alcoholic
jimmyalcoholic@fexxx.com

Upcoming Releases -
50 Cent - Get Pissed Or Cry Trying.
U2 - More Epic Than Seeing The Grand Canyon On Pills.
Editors - Gloom Trolley.
Big Trevvy M - Prince Trevvy Gets Hevvy.
Aass Of Bass - Shit Yourself (The Brown Sound Mixes)