Friday 15 August 2008

Today's Top Stories - For Fact's Sake

OINGO BOINGO FOR DROOL

Celebrity grape stomper Alicia Drool was clamped by Belgian detectives this week, when she was found crouched behind a magnolia curtain clutching a "honking brown foxy grandpa" in Bruge, according to reports.
Popular muffin-puncher Drool (pictured) has appeared in such grubbery as Oupa Juice, The Sniffles, and the infamous travesty that was Kick a Brown Dog.
She stated today via her personal "gangster bitch" Dan Tucker that "I feel that this is simply an attempt to throw ass on my projects, and I plan to take it on the ooze. It's definitively a fuck-a-rama."
These latest dubs dont bode well for Drool, however, who has been previously busted for buffing dogs in Italy. That sentence was dissmissed on the grounds that "...it's a term of endearment."

Drool in happier times -




Photography by Ford Mondeo
Words - Lenny Lovepearls


EDISON BITTEN BY SANDWICH


Some Hip-Hop, captured yesterday, Hackney, East London.
Photography by Patrick Stewart

In shocking revelatory stylee, it emerged of late that the widely-regarded-as-true claim that Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb is fallacy and farce.
The originator is now clear to be Lord Sandwich; previously best known for his pioneering work with the notorious bread-based snack, new notebook evidence suggests he was also the prime engineer of -

  • Hip Hop,
  • 7/10ths of oxygen,
  • disabled parking spaces,
  • the word 'elementary',
  • Led Zeppelin,
  • banana skins,
  • and treacle.

Fexxx however, think that these "findings" are bullshit. To vaguely align ourselves with this view we have given a special guest slot to Edison's last remaining relative, entitled Chesney Edison Shines A Light, in which he will indeed be figuratively shining a light on the state of the nation from a metaphorical cherry-picker of smug self-satisfaction.

Words - Hooker Dotterel


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