Report by Luther Clingfilm
It emerged that Potatobox had found himself propositioning a stray cat with a staple gun, under the influence of Búze.
Onlookers were literally disgusted when Potatobox glugged his merry way through 4 litres of grush.
Tempers ran high in Parliament around the issue with MP Martyn Spinach, Minister for Felony Shoes, speaking out, claiming "This man is a fence. He bogs oranges, he knocked out an apple, he drives the porcelain bus, he's a prawnhead, a suckhand tit, arse grapes, an ancient chinese curse, and he eats Conneticut riverpork. He's like a cow with a musket. It's offensive."
He went furiously on - "What are we to do with these shed-hugging sobriety dodgers, casually wandering betwixt A&E on saturday night and the dole queue on monday morn, high on taxpayer's joy and a concotion of narcotics? Send them to Spain, where they tolerate such silliness?"
"It's loads of alchohol in a bottle" is the slogan of the offending drink. In the company's defence, Lance Búttwipe, CEO of Búze Inc. spake, "Búze has simply opened the door for grog artists to keep the ball rolling. Of course, we encourage caution regarding stationary whilst utilising our merchandise"
MP Peter Wreckless was quoted yesterday, speaking outside Mecca, "If scrounging, pathetic monsters like Potatobox can trundle through our gold-paved streets, chugging on vast tankards of ruin, without necessary measures being taken to avoid this guff."
Potatobox was said to feel "Pretty s--t, but far better than a comedown" when leaving hospital this morning.
FUCK YOU, CHARLEY
Take a lick of any street in the UK and you will almost definately taste the severity of our nation's drink problem. With the government too full of glue to take firm measures and supermarkets churning out monkey swill for as little as 4p a can, the stage was set for a new low to arrive 'pon our shelves.
Búze is a potent blend of fruit juices, industrial strength ethanol, and MSG, weighing in at 9% vol, or a toxicity equal to that of eating one's own faeces for a month. It is a neon red in hue, and retails in 4, 6 and 9 litre bottles, surely only another slimy thumbs up to our binge-friendly underclass.
The actions of Búze on the body are difficult to calculate, but when we gave a sample of the fluid to our resident FuckExplosion scientists, they became intoxicated in a matter of seconds. What is known is that many of those who have imbibed of the sinful bev report a sense of confusion with their surroundings, leading to acts of vaguery and use of illegal sentences.
How long are we going to allow our Britain overrun with vomit and stumbling wasters like this Potatobox, endangering our cats and expending our valuable monosodiumglutamate stockpiles?
Bring back the guillotine.
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